It’s been 17 months today since Mumsy died. I’m writing so that I remember and don’t forget all the way my Savior leads me.
To say I miss Mumsy is an understatement. Through most of my life I was closer to my dad, but caring for mom gave me an attachment to her greater than I have had with anyone. She was my best friend and then in some unexpected way became my baby. That’s the only way I can think to describe it.
I knew I would grieve, but these past months have been much harder than I expected. And I still have a way to go. I’m learning to wait on God’s timing and not hurry the process.
The grief has been overwhelming at times.
I have had so many tears.
But then there is the nearness of God.
There have been unexpected turns because my nerves were shattered. The first month after mom died, I was able get away for a little recover time and a friend took me out for dinner. When I got out of the car I had to concentrate on my feet, unable to walk and talk at the same time. What an insecure feeling! A few months ago, I was a riding with Craig in the car and thought of someone I needed to ask a question. I was actually able to ride in the car and make the call at the same time. Such a simple act that I had been unable to do until then. Both Craig and I rejoiced that God brought me another step forward.
I had to learn how to be with people again. I felt lost. I didn’t know how to act. I needed support and encouragement and understanding more than at any time in my life. My emotions were bonkers. God took away the very people I thought would be there for me and gave me support in unexpected ways. I realized just now that I used the word “unexpected” here a few times because this is all different than I thought it would be. God has brought me back to being able to teach again and enjoy people. In the word of Mumsy, “Wonderful!” I’m resting in the God who has planned my life and its gloriously unfolding even when I have no idea what's ahead.
Take a rest from the fight
If I could choose to do it all over again, I would! Caring for Mumsy was the best ministry I have enjoyed in my life. I am thankful that I could lay down my life for her.
Today grief and rejoicing are all mixed up together. I am so thankful for the woman God gave me as my mother.
I’m thinking about…
her artistry in life.
her hospitable spirit.
her love for my dad.
her love for me.
her love for the people of God.
the many, many things she taught me.
Mostly, I’m thinking about this sweet woman who on her death bed was praising the Lord. Whose life verse was "I will bless the Lord at all times. His praise shall continually be in my mouth." Psalm 34:1. I wish I could hold her hand again and tell her how much I love her. She would say, “Nancy, I don’t deserve a daughter like you,” (she said that all the time) and I would say “Mumsy, I don’t deserve a mother like you.” And we’d have a little love fest.
I'm so glad I recorded Mumsy praising the Lord. This makes me smile. What a woman!
More than anything I would like to encourage you in your walk with God!